Jokes#5

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.

”Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

”How about $50?”

The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

”You’re finished already?” he asked.

”Yes,” the blonde answered, ”and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

”And by the way,” the blonde added, ”that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Jokes #4

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other?

They are separated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said ”Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence.” Satan agreed. The next day God noticed that the devil had completely rebuilt the fence…but it was 2 feet further into heaven than before. ”Satan!” beckoned God. ”You have to take that fence down and put it back where it belongs!” ”Yeah? What if I don’t?” replied the devil. ”I’ll sue you if I have to,” answered God. ”Sure,” laughed Satan. ”Where are you going to find a lawyer?”

Jokes #3

What’s the difference between a rottweiler and a poodle?

If a rottweiler starts humping your leg you let it finish.

 

Jokes #2

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

”Is that your husband?” he inquired nervously.

”No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

”Your boyfriend then?” he asked.

”No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

”Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, she answered, ”That’s me before the surgery.”

 

Jokes #1

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, ”I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”Well, you can imagine her disappointment.” The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, ”Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?” He replies, ”You didn’t use what I got you last year!”